Today, I’m diving into a topic that many of you might find all too familiar: how to spot when a narcissist is having trouble with their new supply. Narcissists will never admit they’re struggling; they want you and everyone else to believe they’ve moved on, that you were the problem, and that their new relationship is perfect.
They’ll flaunt their new supply, especially on social media, to hurt you and make you feel like you were the issue. But no matter how much they try to convince you otherwise, there are clear signs that things aren’t as rosy as they seem. Here are four key indicators that there’s trouble in paradise with their new supply.
1. The Narcissist Reaches Out to You
The first sign is when you hear from the narcissist. Trust me, when a narcissist contacts you, it’s a red flag that they’re not doing well. Back when I dealt with narcissists, my friends and I would laugh and say, “Uh-oh, they’re not doing well!” When they reach out, it often means they’ve fought with their new supply, they’re bored, or things are starting to sour.
Narcissists recycle their exes; they “hoover” you back when their current situation isn’t working out. If they’re busy and happy with their new supply, you won’t hear a peep. But when they’re desperate, their pride takes a backseat, and they come crawling back. This doesn’t always mean they’ve left the new supply, but it’s a strong sign that things aren’t going great. They might be keeping the new supply around while looking for something else, and that’s when they start reaching out to you.
2. They Stop Posting About the New Supply on Social Media
Another big clue is when the narcissist stops flaunting their new supply on social media. When they first move on, they love to show off by posting pictures, maybe even making the new supply their profile picture. They know you’re watching, and they want to rub it in your face. But a few months later, if you notice they’ve gone quiet or stopped posting about the new supply, something’s up.
If the new supply’s pictures disappear from their Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat, it’s a sign that the relationship is shaky. They might be on their way out, or the narcissist is already looking for other options. Narcissists won’t keep those pictures up if there’s trouble; they don’t want to advertise a failing relationship, and they don’t want it to interfere with their hunt for new supply. When those posts vanish, you can bet there’s trouble in paradise.
3. The New Supply Contacts You
This one might surprise you, but it happens: the new supply reaches out to you. When they’re confused, desperate, or seeking clarity about the narcissist’s behavior, they might contact the ex (that’s you!) for answers. I’ve been there myself when I was a new supply. I reached out to the narcissist’s ex, and thank goodness I did. She tipped me off about how he’d delete everything from his phone to keep it “clean” and avoid suspicion.
Sometimes, the new supply will be receptive to talking, but be cautious. They might still be connected to the narcissist and could share what you say. If the narcissist is dangerous, it’s best to stay out of it entirely. Getting a call or message from the new supply is a huge sign that the narcissist is running their usual games, lying, manipulating, and causing chaos. When the new supply is desperate enough to contact you, things are not going well.
4. You Hear About Their Problems Through Others
Finally, you might hear through the grapevine that the narcissist and their new supply are having issues. In small towns or tight-knit communities, word travels fast. Friends, mutual connections, or even strangers might mention that the couple was fighting, the cops were called, or one of them got into trouble. These whispers are a clear sign that the narcissist’s perfect facade is cracking.
What’s more, when things go south with the new supply, the narcissist might start “hoovering” you again, popping up on your social media, leaving weird comments, or even trolling you. This behavior often signals a narcissistic collapse, where they’re struggling and looking to their exes for attention.
If they’re blaming you for their current problems (yes, their mindset can be that twisted), they might even try to haunt your life again. Be especially careful with malignant narcissists, as they can be stalkers and may escalate their behavior.
Why This Happens and How to Protect Yourself
The truth is, trouble with the new supply is inevitable. Narcissists are toxic, and their relationships always turn sour because of their abusive patterns. They don’t just abuse one person; they abuse everyone, just in different ways. Once they’ve hooked the new supply, they start devaluing them, just like they did to you. And don’t be fooled by their happy social media posts, narcissists never put all their eggs in one basket. They always have backups, whether it’s other exes or new people they’re pursuing.
To protect yourself, go no-contact with the narcissist and anyone connected to them. Mutual friends or acquaintances might unintentionally (or intentionally) feed information back to the narcissist, which can give them an opening to manipulate or hurt you. If you must interact with these people, use the “gray rock” method, keep things neutral, and don’t share personal details. The less the narcissist knows about your life, the better.
When a narcissist moves on to a new supply, it might sting, but you’re winning. They’re leaving you alone, and that’s a victory. The real danger comes when things fall apart with their new supply; that’s when they might try to slink back into your life. By recognizing these four signs, reaching out to you, going quiet on social media, the new supply contacting you, or rumors of their problems, you can stay one step ahead.
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