The topic of narcissism warrants profound exploration, especially when one considers the sheer frustration inherent in interactions with a narcissist. Engaging with individuals of this nature often leads to an unsettling void, marked by an absolute and unrelenting absence of closure. Feeling that lack of closure feeling that there is no sense of completion in any interaction with them can be maddening.
1. They Will Never Take Accountability
Why can you never expect to get closure from a narcissist? Number one: they will never take accountability. This is one of the most maddening aspects of dealing with a person like this. The idea of getting a genuine “I’m sorry. I did that. That was my fault” is a fantasy.
You can tell them everything they’ve done wrong and explain in detail how their actions have deeply affected you. You can point out the chaos they’ve caused or how black-and-white their wrongdoings are. But they are not interested in that reality. They are only interested in the reality where they are right.
Even if you manage to extract an apology, it will be deeply unsatisfying. It’s the kind of apology that comes only after you’ve begged, pleaded, and spelled it out for them. Exhausted, they might throw their hands up and say something like, “All right, I’m sorry. Okay? Is that what you want to hear?” Does that sound like closure? Not.
2. They Will Never Truly Empathize
The second reason you’ll never get closure is because they will never truly empathize with your situation.
For a narcissist, it’s never about you it’s always about them. When you talk about how something has affected you, they won’t connect with your experience. Instead, they might:
- Deflect and turn it back on you.
- Accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic.
- Shift the focus to their pain, saying, “Well, you don’t know what this has done to me!”
Empathy is one of the greatest gifts of human connection. It has the power to transmute pain into connection and community. But a narcissist will never grant you the miracle of empathy. This is why being in any kind of intimate relationship with a narcissist leaves you feeling profoundly alone.
3. Standing Up to Them Can Backfire
The third reason you’ll never get closure applies particularly to more malignant, antagonistic narcissists. Standing up to them can often backfire.
We might fantasize about finally standing up to them, believing it will be satisfying or stop them in their tracks. But the truth is, by standing up to them, we’re often giving them exactly what they want: our engagement.
They thrive on provoking reactions. When you engage, you’re feeding their need for control and power. Dr. Ramani Durvasula emphasizes the importance of a simple, powerful mantra: “Do not engage.”
4. You Will Never Teach Them a Lesson
Many of us feel compelled to teach a narcissist a lesson. However, this is a futile endeavor. Narcissists do not operate by the same rules as you or I. Learning lessons requires humility and self-awareness traits narcissists lack. They’re not driven by personal growth; they’re driven by their insatiable need for attention, power, and control.
5. They’re Giving Someone Else What You Never Got
The fifth reason you’ll never get closure is because it may appear as though the narcissist is giving their next partner everything they denied you.
You might see them on social media, seemingly in a blissful new relationship. But remember, the person you’re seeing is the narcissist in pursuit mode a very different version of them compared to when they’re in a stable relationship. The greatest predictor of future behavior is past behavior. The cycle will likely repeat.
6. You Will Never Win
Even if you manage to take away their power or feel like you’ve won in some way, they will simply shift strategies.
Narcissists are master shapeshifters. When they’re in power, they’re tyrants. When they’re out of power, they play the victim. They excel at weaponizing your guilt and turning the tables to make you feel like the bad person.
7. They Will Never Make Sense to You
Finally, you will never get closure because a narcissist will never make sense to you. Trying to understand them is like using a ruler to measure sound it simply doesn’t work. Their behavior doesn’t align with fairness, empathy, or logic principles. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can free ourselves from the need to make sense of their actions.
The Real Closure: Finding Peace
The ultimate closure doesn’t come from the narcissist. It comes from the peace we find in disengaging and setting ourselves free. It’s the peace in knowing we no longer have expectations of someone who will never fulfill them.
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