A narcissist needs to maintain control over every situation and constantly draw supplies from you even when they’re not physically present. To ensure you remain under their influence, one of the most effective tools they use is texting. When they can’t directly control you, they manipulate you through their unique texting habits.
1. Non-Stop Texting and Demand for Constant Attention
Narcissists have little respect for boundaries, especially when it comes to your time and personal space. They prioritize their need for endless attention and believe they have ownership over your focus, demanding it at all times. Any attempt on your part to divert attention is seen as a betrayal. This leads to constant texting, often with intense interactions, making you feel increasingly anxious and dependent on their validation.
By drawing you into a cycle of craving their attention, they create an addictive bond. Yet, when they grow bored, they withdraw suddenly, leaving you in a state of emotional turmoil, exacerbating feelings of anxiety and stress. Their texting habits are a tool to manipulate your biochemistry, leaving you feeling neglected and craving their validation.
2. Ignoring You by Withholding Responses
Despite being constantly on their phones, often engaging with other sources of supply, they intentionally ignore you, making you feel invisible. Even when they’re online, they leave your messages unanswered, subtly conveying that you are not a priority in their life. This silent treatment chips away at your self-worth, forcing you to question your value.
They’ve ensnared you and feel no need to extend consideration or warmth, as they know you are already emotionally invested. This tactic is designed to make you doubt yourself, prompting questions like, “What did I do wrong?” or “How can I change to regain their attention?” This cycle of self-questioning reinforces their control over you.
3. Exploitative Sexting
While consensual sexting can be healthy in relationships, with a narcissist, it’s often one-sided and rushed. Soon after establishing contact, they may begin sending provocative images and pressuring you to reciprocate, regardless of your comfort level. This unsolicited intimacy is another way they strip away your boundaries.
Although you may participate initially, once they begin to devalue and humiliate you, these past exchanges become a source of shame and regret. Over time, it becomes clear that their focus is not on a meaningful connection but rather on collecting supply. Narcissists often juggle multiple sources, soliciting intimate images and discarding the individuals involved as soon as they lose interest, only to return when they need fresh attention.
4. Rare, “Heartfelt” Conversations
Occasionally, they might engage in a witty, warm, and seemingly heartfelt conversation, making you feel seen and connected. These moments are particularly common when you are close to the devaluation stage of the relationship; they serve as breadcrumbs to keep you invested. Whether due to a good mood or because they need something from you, their motive is usually manipulative.
Although the interaction feels genuine, it is ultimately superficial, designed to strengthen your trauma bond and increase cognitive dissonance. You may find yourself wondering, “Maybe they aren’t that bad? Why else would they engage in such a sincere conversation?” This rare glimpse of “connection” only deepens your attachment, reinforcing your hope that things could improve.
5. Leaving You Hanging
One of the most unsettling tactics is leaving you hanging initiating contact with a brief message, such as “Good morning,” and then disappearing. This seemingly innocent text is a way of pressing an emotional button, making you react, only for them to vanish and take pleasure in your waiting. This push-pull tactic is a form of psychological warfare, driving you into a state of confusion about your place in the relationship.
They thrive on the power imbalance, and if you ever ignore them back, they’ll pop up with a quick “hi” or “hello,” reeling you back in, only to drop you again. The cycle repeats, leaving you feeling hollow and emotionally spent.
This crafted language captures the manipulative nature of these behaviors, which narcissists often use to create and sustain control over their partners through texting.
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