How The Narcissist Is On Mother’s Day?

Mother’s Day might be difficult with a narcissist as an ex, parent, or partner. They tend to function on self-validating, need-satisfying principles and controlling situations to make them have control over everything. This article describes how Mother’s Day will affect the narcissist’s actions and advises on how to deal with those situations.

The Narcissist’s Mother: All Hail the Queen

For many narcissists, their mother is the ultimate priority, often placed above their partner or spouse. Even if their relationship with their mother is toxic or fraught with past abuse, they may still seek her validation. On Mother’s Day, expect them to:

Shower their mother with praise: They’ll call, flatter, and post glowing tributes on social media, proclaiming her as the “most beautiful, wonderful mother in the world.”
Downplay your role: If you’re a mother, they may ignore or minimize your contributions, offering little to no acknowledgment or gifts. You might get a half-hearted “Happy Mother’s Day” at best.
Use their mother as an excuse: Narcissists may claim they’re “just stopping by mom’s house” to slip away and visit other romantic partners or “supply” sources, using Mother’s Day as a convenient alibi.

This dynamic stems from their deep-seated need for validation from their mother, who is often a central figure in their emotional world, even if the relationship is unhealthy.

How to Stop Being Manipulated by a Narcissist

When the Narcissist Is the Mother

If the narcissist in your life is a mother, Mother’s Day becomes a stage for her to demand allegiance and attention. She may:

Expect constant praise: She’ll want to be the center of attention, demanding that you prioritize her over your spouse or other obligations.
Monitor loyalty: She’ll closely watch who acknowledges her and who doesn’t, taking note of any perceived slights.
Minimize your role as a mother: If you have children, she may act jealous of the attention you receive, downplaying your parenting efforts and portraying herself as the superior parent.

Her goal is to maintain control and ensure she remains the focal point of the day.

The Hoovering Tactic on Mother’s Day

Narcissists often use holidays like Mother’s Day to “hoover” or attempt to re-enter your life, especially if you’re maintaining no contact. You might receive a seemingly innocent text like “Happy Mother’s Day” from an ex. This is rarely genuine. Instead, it’s a calculated move to:

Break the silence: The message is designed to elicit a response, reopening lines of communication.
Exploit your emotions: By appealing to your identity as a mother, they hope to trigger a sentimental response, making you feel valued or softening your boundaries.
Gather information: Narcissists are often nosy and use these moments to check in on your life, especially if you share children or they suspect you’re moving on.

If you’re no contact, stay strong and avoid responding. These messages are not about celebrating you, they’re about regaining control.

How Narcissists Undermine You on Mother’s Day

Narcissists thrive on making others feel small, and Mother’s Day is no exception. They may:

Ignore or dismiss you: They might treat the day as “just another day,” offering no gifts, praise, or effort. If you prompt them, they may feign forgetfulness with a passive-aggressive “Oh, yeah, Happy Mother’s Day.”
Start conflicts: Some narcissists deliberately pick fights or criticize you on Mother’s Day to ruin your mood and prevent you from feeling celebrated.
Give lackluster gestures: If they do acknowledge you, it might be with a cheap gift (e.g., wilted flowers from a convenience store) or empty promises of something better that never materialize.

These behaviors reinforce their belief that they are the superior parent and that your contributions are insignificant.

The Narcissistic Mother-in-Law and Flying Monkeys

Mother’s Day can also highlight the influence of a narcissistic mother-in-law. Narcissists may go overboard to flatter her, not out of genuine affection but for ulterior motives, such as:

Securing inheritance or favor: They may lavish her with compliments to position themselves as the favorite, hoping for financial or social benefits.
Forming a toxic alliance: The narcissist and their mother often form a “cult-like” dynamic, gossiping about you or undermining your role to maintain their bond.

This can leave you feeling sidelined, as the narcissist ensures their mother never feels “less than” you, even at your expense.

Coping with Mother’s Day Chaos

Narcissists thrive on creating turmoil during holidays, and Mother’s Day is no different. They may use the day to flatter their mother, ignore you, start fights, or sneak away to see others. To protect your peace:

Set boundaries: If you’re no contact, ignore hoovering attempts. If you’re still in contact, limit interactions and focus on your well-being.
Lower expectations: Don’t expect genuine appreciation from a narcissist. Instead, celebrate yourself and your role as a mother with those who truly value you.
Seek support: Connect with friends, family, or a coach to process your experiences and gain clarity on dealing with narcissistic behavior.

Mother’s Day with a narcissist is rarely about celebrating you; it’s about their need for control, validation, and attention. Whether they’re prioritizing their toxic mother, downplaying your role, or using the holiday to manipulate, their actions are predictable and self-serving. Remember that you deserve to be celebrated, and you don’t need their validation to know you’re a great mother.