So, why is it exactly that narcissists will up and abandon their loved ones, doing so in a way that is not only almost effortless but also repeatedly letting down their spouses, partners, children, siblings, or friends? This behavior ensures that the impact of their betrayal feels worse than a sucker punch to the kidneys. They promise the moon and stars of love but intend to yank any light or joy from your life. Meanwhile, they wouldn’t dare show up even a second late to help a neighbor up the street.
The answer, as painful as it may be to hear, lies in understanding the reasons behind how anyone could be so cruel, treating those they claim to love with such inhumanity. Knowing these reasons can give you the foundation to let go, move on, and truly begin healing from the deliberate destruction these individuals bring into one’s life.
The Real Reason Behind Narcissistic Abandonment
The long and short answer to why narcissists abandon the people they “love” is simply this: they don’t love them. Narcissists abandon those they are using and take advantage of those who no longer serve their needs. Narcissists don’t view people the way most do; they see themselves as miraculous wonders or the “Megalodon of mankind.” Their sole mission is to maintain this delusional self-image and stay on top.
Relentless Manipulation and Strategic Control
Narcissists don’t just manipulate those closest to them they manipulate anyone and everyone, depending on the service each person can provide. They strategically chip away at others’ self-worth and self-esteem with precision, like a mental ice pick. They use manipulation not only to keep their fantasy image afloat but also to gain or maintain control, whether over a conversation, an environment, or how others perceive them and you.
Using whatever tactic they’ve honed since childhood, narcissists twist reality to create enough confusion or chaos to make others act in ways that benefit them, all the while making it seem like those decisions were made of free will. Narcissists know exactly what they’re doing. They are keenly aware of when they can reveal the beast within to fulfill a sadistic pleasure watching the pain well up in your eyes as they dehumanize, demoralize, insult, or instill fear. It confirms, to them, that they are the dominant force.
The Art of Victimhood and False Expertise
But narcissists also know precisely when to don the mask of the victim, playing the “poor me” card, acting as though they’re always the one drawing the short straw. This victim role bolsters their credibility, makes their lies seem more believable, and serves to enhance smear campaigns that make you appear “crazy.” They know when to promote themselves and exaggerate their abilities to climb social or corporate ladders, appearing to be the best candidate, whether for CEO or leader of a nation. They do all this effortlessly, staying under the radar because they lack empathy, compassion, and a genuine concern for anyone but themselves.
The Brutal Reality of Narcissistic Relationships
As difficult as it is to wrap your head around, narcissists genuinely do not care about anyone but themselves, not their spouses, children, siblings, friends, or even their parents. This is hard to accept because you, unlike them, developed fundamental human skills of empathy and compassion. Due to the interpersonal nature of your relationship and the societal belief that “blood is thicker than water,” you may feel shame and guilt that they planted deep within you, making you feel obligated to stay. But deep down, you know the reality: it was all a steady stream of shows, fraud, and lies to keep their fantasy world alive.
Facing this reality with radical acceptance is undeniably painful. Though people say, “This too shall pass,” the wait for healing can feel like passing a kidney stone. Yet, once you stare this reality down, acknowledge all those buried emotions, and understand that nothing they did was personal, nor was it your fault you didn’t ask for this, you didn’t sign up for it, and you certainly didn’t deserve it you begin to reduce the struggle. You let go, without guilt, and the need for shame begins to fade.
Reclaiming Your Power and Moving Forward
Whether they are your mother, father, friend, or boss, no one has the right to exploit, manipulate, or abuse you. Nor is it your responsibility to tolerate their abuse or try to fix them. But you absolutely can save yourself. You can take back your power, rebuild the confidence they depleted, and transform your inner self-talk. Recognize your triggers, replace them with positive affirmations, listen to uplifting music, and try new things you never had the chance to do because of them.
As you replace those limiting beliefs they instilled within you, you’ll see in time that you are stronger than you ever imagined. You’ve survived what most can’t even fathom, what others refuse to believe exists. If you’ve endured that, then there’s no reason you can’t kick ass in the healing and recovery process.
Focus on You, Not the Narcissist
Remember who you are, and know the difference between what you can and can’t change. You can reclaim your life; you cannot change them. Focus on rebuilding the life you were born to live the life they had no right to take from you and that you deserve. Fight for yourself, focus on yourself, and let the narcissist fade away.
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